how to love others
faith,  grace

How To Love People That Hurt You

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There is something really special about a human who has a deep relationship with Jesus. 💗

  • They make time for Jesus, even when life is chaotic.
  • They listen to people’s hurts and offer comfort and prayer.
  • They serve the people God places in their life in big and little ways.
  • Their words often carry life into a tired, weary soul.
  • They pour out grace in abundance to others, esp. those who don’t deserve it.

This is the kind of Christian I want to be in our tired, hurting world. Don’t you?


My pastor often says “Hurting people hurt people.”

That’s such a powerful truth. Our hurts often get in the way of becoming the special person God created us to be. Unresolved hurts create barriers to having a deep relationship with Jesus and others.

We were created for a deep, intimate relationship with our Savior.

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:5

“Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.” James 4:8

“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” Hebrews 11:6

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6

Life is hard, isn’t it? Often we stuff our hurts deep into our souls. Instead of giving our pain over to Jesus, we ignore it to a point that it either explodes or springs forth into bitterness and anger. Either way it’s not a pretty picture.


What hurts are you carrying around today? Our souls often ache from the unkind words and actions of others.  Our hurts weigh us down, but Jesus can pick us back up.

Hurting people hurt people, but Jesus shows us how to love people that hurt us. Click To Tweet

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11: 28

No one is perfect. People will cause harm to us in this life. We will hurt others.  That’s what happens when imperfect humans do life with other imperfect humans.

We have a choice to make when the hurt comes.

Will we let it reach the doorway to our souls? Or do we release our pain and forgive those who harm us?

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7

So watch yourselves. “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.” Luke 17:3-4


My circle of family and friends includes someone who falls under the category of “hurting people hurt people.” They make choices daily to push people away by saying mean and hurtful things. They often spread lies, that deep down, I think they know to be false, but somehow they’ve been thinking them for so long, their mind is convinced these lies are truth.

Sometimes I find myself believing their lies. I also tend to take on their sin as my own, believing that somehow it’s my fault they acted in such a sinful way. Those are outrageous lies from the enemy, of course. I don’t have that much power!

We aren’t responsible for other people’s choices, but we do need to own our actions/reactions, along with the consequences that follow. That part is on us. We do have control over how we choose to treat people that cause us pain and hurt. But it’s HARD to exercise control in situations that often feel out of control. That’s why we need Jesus!


  1. Pray for those that harm you. Matthew 5:44
  2. Protect your heart. Proverbs 4:23
  3. Let forgiveness breathe life into your hurting soul. Colossians 3:13, Ephesians 4:32, Luke 6:37
  4. Create healthy boundaries. Galatians 6:5, Romans 6:23

It’s hard to love people that CHOOSE to hurt you.

Do you have healthy boundaries in place with family and loved ones that hurt you? I believe God wants us to put up healthy boundaries and spiritual walls of protection around us.

Boundaries give life to our souls and cause us to lean on Jesus in the tough times. There is so much freedom when we release other people’s actions to the Lord and rest in our Savior and His perfect will and grace. When we take care of our own issues, and let God do the work with the other person.

“Own your own stuff, just don’t own other people’s stuff,” as my pastor friend would say.


4 ways to love people who hurt you

Drawing closer to the Lord in our pain is such a critical part of spiritual growth.

In fact, I firmly believe that’s where the real, deep intimate relationship with Jesus occurs. When we can be raw and real with our Savior, the road to healing and intimacy begins. The same can be said for the humans in our life too!

Is there someone who has hurt you? Words that still cut deep? Take some time today and let those hurts go. Give them over to the Lord and let Him carry those burdens for you today. It’s a load you weren’t meant to carry.

If you need help creating some healthy boundaries in your relationship, or just releasing the hurt, check out “Boundaries: When to say yes, how to say no, to take control of your life” as well as the workbook that goes with it for deeper study and reflection.

(Note: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links, and we will be compensated if you make a purchase by clicking through and using our links. Read our disclosure policy here.)

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Cupcakes, coffee + Jesus. Radio personality, writer + soul encourager living to glorify Him.


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