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Confession time: I worry way too much what other people think of me. Do you struggle with that too? Some mornings before church I throw a hissy fit that could put a 5-year old to shame. I’m not proud of it. But it happens.
Putting A 5-Year Old To Shame With A Hissy Fit!
Usually, it’s because I’m hormonal, or bloated. Or bloated AND hormonal. If that’s the case, watch out! The five-year-old hissy fit comes roaring to the surface and I’m scarfing down a dark chocolate bar at 7 am while I throw my 20th outfit onto the bed. I seriously have nothing to wear. My sweet hubby just shakes his head and leaves the room. He’s a smart guy. Plus, he’s seen this side of me before. And it ain’t pretty! #firstworldproblems #thestruggleisreal #ilikehashtagsyo
Tis the season of stretchy pants, tall boots and long sweaters!
This makes my heart happy for so many reasons. Maybe because it coincides at the exact same time as pumpkin lattes make their way into the stores. Coincidence? Or just planned by some totally awesome designer who loves her pumpkin chocolate chip muffins and lattes as much as we do? Who knows. Either way, I’m thankful. Ahem, I digress.
Do you ever get into full-blown crazy moods?
Those moods that grip you with paranoia, insane thinking or fear? They stop you dead in your tracks and you can’t move forward. Your mind gets a little scared, your thinking a little foggy, so your humanness takes over and you rebel. You curl up in a ball, go into safety mode, keep yourself tucked away until you try to figure your stuff out, or until someone cares enough to come pull you up off the floor.
Mentally, that’s where I’ve been the past year or so, at least on some levels. In a happy little ball of denial. It’s easier to live there than the real world most days. In fact, I often prefer it, especially after my hubby and I found out that we officially can’t have kids. Devastating news, to say the least.
Our infertility struggle has literally ripped my soul apart and I’ve been spending time letting Jesus put it back together again. Our God is pretty awesome because He’s weaved the pieces back together, even stronger than they were before. I’m more grateful to Him for this gift than I am for pumpkin muffins and lattes. And that’s saying something! *wink wink*
Even though Jesus has put my soul back together, it doesn’t mean that I don’t struggle with grief, or tears or the longing for “what if,” mixed with those condemning lies the enemy shouts at me that says “Why me God, why am I not worthy? Am I just not enough?” Life is an emotional roller coaster some days.
But the sun will shine again!
I have to remind myself today (and every day) that it will get better. There are sunshiney days ahead. God will work all of this out for His glory. His Word promises me that.
My messy heart will be redeemed. Just like the clothes that get strewn all over the bedroom floor and eventually wind back up in the closet. Sure, some pieces are tossed aside because they just don’t fit anymore. But the closet eventually gets filled with things that provide comfort to get through the day.
Just like our Bibles fill our souls up when we feel like the clothes scattered all over the bed.
That wardrobe is a huge metaphor for my heart these days. God has taken the brokenness and He’s made it whole again. That doesn’t mean it still doesn’t hurt and the tears still don’t fall. But He can make all things new. I am so very grateful. For His mercies, His grace, His kindness to me and His love. And I’m even more thankful now that it’s Fall that I can put on my stretch leggings and enjoy some gluten-free pumpkin chocolate chip muffins in the mornings! *woot woot*
Your Grace Challenge
What is it that grips your heart today? What has you down? What are you struggling with? Maybe it’s time to confront these things so you can move forward and let Jesus put the pieces of your soul back together again.
- If you didn’t do the challenge from my last post, go back and do it. It’s essential to the next part of our grace journey. We need to do this friend. I think it’s important and if your soul had a voice, I think it would thank you for it later too!
- If you did the last challenge, you rock! But I know that as you read these words today about the lightheartedness of being thankful for muffins and lattes in the middle of our grief, something grips your heart today. Something holds you back from being all that God created you to be. What is it? Write these things on your list from yesterday or if they are already on the list, go and put little hearts by them.
- Pick up your Bible and fill up your grace tank today. Take a little time to spend with Jesus, even if it’s a busy day and you only have 5 minutes to spare, do it! Your soul needs it. You do too! Go read what the Bible says about grace. Hint: there’s a lot of wonderful Scripture to choose from!